Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The Awesome Auger

When you live in the land of hard clay and solid rock you are instantly drawn to things that dig holes more easily. My collection includes a rock splitter, a pole driver, a sharp shooter, a mallet and chisel and a very high pressure nozzle for hydra blasting. So, when I saw this wonder tool on TV called the Awesome Auger I was enthralled. Not only did I buy myself one- I bought both of my girls one. It turned out to be almost as advertised. With that thing attached to a drill and a hundred feet of heavy duty extension cord I could dig some holes!
In the spring we visited our daughter Lee . I was excited to present her with her new toy. She looked at the weird contraption in my hands with squinty eyes and a cocked head. Without much enthusiasm she said ,“Interesting”. That’s code for yucky. There was definitely a chill in the air. Even the steel of the auger felt colder in my hands.
However, the next morning found me and “Augie” happily digging holes for the seedlings lee and I were planting. Lee was planting and patting the dirt snug. When we got to the last few holes Lee said “Let me try that”. Yea! She was warming up. All went well and on the last hole Lee released the trigger and let go of the drill.
But the drill didn’t stop! Suddenly the auger was bouncing across the ground like a manic mambo dancer; I’d swear it was chasing Lee.
“What the ………….” I stood frozen for a few stunned seconds. Then I thought, as comical as this looks, there is real danger here. Just as it was catching her, I ran to the cord and jerked the plug out then skidded to a stop beside Lee who was sitting on the ground. She was rubbing a badly bruised leg with a nasty abrasion and glaring murderously at the Auger.
Of all things…This is a girl who is proficient with a chain saw, skill saw and heavy equipment much bigger than she is . And with never so much as a ding.
That afternoon at our daily family council (happy hour) Lee’s husband, Bo, proclaimed the auger;
Unwelcome in polite society,
Banished to the mountains forever
Put under lock and key until transport could be arranged.
I repressed the urge to declare the whole thing the drill’s fault. Some things are better left unsaid.
And given the bad juju between Lee and the auger I really couldn’t say that with certainty.
Could I?

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